Welcome everyone to this, Charlie and Amanda's special day.
Before we begin with the ceremony I would like to welcome all the new faces into the church and particularly Brian who made a worthy confession yesterday, but unfortunately misunderstood the meaning of the declaration.
In the presence of God, Father, Son, Uncle, Brother in law and Holy Spirit, we have come together to witness the marriage of Charlie and Amanda, to pray for God's blessing on them, to share their joy and to celebrate their love.
Marriage is a gift of God in creation through which husband and wife may know the grace of God. It is given that as man and woman grow together in love and trust, they shall be united with one another in heart, body and mind, as Christ is united with his bride, the Church which did not unfortunately look good in a dress.
The gift of marriage brings husband and wife together in the delight and tenderness of sexual union and joyful commitment to the end of their lives. And not as Brian voiced in yesterday's mass. It is given as the foundation of family life in which children are born and nurtured, preferably by immaculate conception. And in each member of the family, in good times and in bad, may find strength, companionship, passiveness, and patience, and grow to maturity in love.
Marriage is a way of life made holy by God, and dresses made by Berketex. Blessed by the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ with those celebrating a wedding at Cana in Galilee. Doris and Bernie.
Marriage is a sign of unity and loyalty which all should uphold and honour even through Strictly Come Dancing.
It enriches society and strengthens community. No one should enter into it lightly or selfishly
but reverently and responsibly and sometimes fear of ones spouse, in the sight of almighty God.
Charlie and Amanda are now to enter this way of life. A circle of life if you will. They will each give their consent to the other and make solemn vows, and in token of this they will each give and receive a ring. Amanda on her left hand, Charlie through his ear. We pray with them that the Holy Spirit will guide and strengthen them, that they may fulfil God's purposes for the whole of their earthly life together, and beyond.
May the hospitality of their home bring refreshment and joy to all around them; Iceland do bulk buys.
May their love overflow to neighbours in need allowing hotpots and casseroles to be given.
May they nurture their family with devotion, nutrition, emotion and demolition. We pray that they see their children grow in body, mind and spirit. May they always have money, love and Primark.
Blessed are you, O Lord our God, for you have created joy and gladness, pleasure and delight, love, peace and fellowship. All before you rested. Pour out the abundance of your blessing upon Charlie and Amanda in their new life together. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a crown upon their heads and a pain in their necks.
Bless them in their work and in their companionship; awake and asleep, in joy and in sorrow, in life and in death. Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that banquet where your saints feast for ever in your heavenly home. Designed by Jelsons.
We ask this through Jesus Christ your Son, our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, a bit like a student, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
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Welcome. We are gathered here to celebrate our wonderful harvest festival.
As you can see the local children have been collecting items to give to the elderly. They have all been grateful received and some have been returned to their rightful owners
We therefore pray to thank you for our world and ask you wash us free of sin.
Let us pray;
Though you made this wonderful world for our good,
we confess that our selfishness, greed and desire for control
has resulted in us treating it as our property rather than as your gift.
We have denuded the land of trees, polluted the water and the air. But I really needed to go.
We have failed to value and respect others, instead we have abused and deprived and even killed. I used a fly swat.
We have failed to appreciate ourselves. Instead, we have damaged our health, closed our minds and neglected our spirits. Especially Jack Daniels.
Lord, in your mercy forgive us.
In all lord, we have shown ourselves to be complete arses who really deserve a good thrashing.
We have even failed to appreciate you, having ignored your word, rejected your love and forgotten your presence with us.
Lord, in your mercy forgive us.
Amen
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Welcome to today's sermon. A particular welcome goes to our newest family in the parish.
Today's sermon comes from Mark. so if Mark would like to come to the pulpit.
Thankyou. Mark;
And Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things [are] possible to him that believeth.
Him replied I have no idea what you are talking about.
Jesus looked at him and rolled his eyes. I said, if thou canst believe all things possible to him that believeth.
Huh? Said him. Why can you not just speak English?
So Jesus replied once again, English hath not been invented yet.
Oh! Replied Him with surprise. So what are you on about?
Jesus, rolled his eyes one last time and said unto Him believe in it and it might happen.
Oh I get it now said Him. Why didn't you just say that?
Thankyou Mark.
There ends our sermon
Amen
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to remember Bernie, the village goat.
It was with great sadness that I received the news that Bernie had been taken from us in a milk float accident, especially as he did enjoy a pint or two of full fat.
It was Mr Fogarty who found poor Bernie and took him to his final resting place by the post office.
Many of you gathered here today have shared both interesting and warming stories of Bernie such as the time he accidentally started the combine harvester with his bottom and ended up at the village green covered in freshly cut daffodils.
We remember the time when Bernie accidentally ate Mrs Winterbottom's hat and trampled on Mrs Taylor's victoria sponge.
I am glad to have so many of you here today, celebrating Bernie's short life.
There will be a small gathering after the service where all Bernie's favourite food will be provided.
Let us pray
It was a wonderful day and lots of fun was had by all who attended. And some people who didn't.
The good news is that we raised enough money to mend the roof and have money left over. A few of you have thought of ways we could use our funds. Some of which were sensible.
Mr Stainforth's idea of carpeting the floor in the confessions box, to avoid splinters when kneeling, seems to the most popular. Although Gerald's suggestion of the WI learning to bungee jump is a close second.
Tomorrow is the start of our jobs week where we ask members of the congregation to lend a hand.
All help will be gratefully received. Although we must place an age limit of 98 years this year as we do not want a reoccurrence of Mr Taylor's accident. We are glad to hear he is on the mend and the burial of Tiddles went well.
Our reading today is taken from the gospel of Matthew 24:42-51
Let us pray.
Huh? Said him. Why can you not just speak English?
So Jesus replied once again, English hath not been invented yet.
Oh! Replied Him with surprise. So what are you on about?
Jesus, rolled his eyes one last time and said unto Him believe in it and it might happen.
Oh I get it now said Him. Why didn't you just say that?
Thankyou Mark.
There ends our sermon
Amen
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Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to remember Bernie, the village goat.
It was with great sadness that I received the news that Bernie had been taken from us in a milk float accident, especially as he did enjoy a pint or two of full fat.
It was Mr Fogarty who found poor Bernie and took him to his final resting place by the post office.
Many of you gathered here today have shared both interesting and warming stories of Bernie such as the time he accidentally started the combine harvester with his bottom and ended up at the village green covered in freshly cut daffodils.
We remember the time when Bernie accidentally ate Mrs Winterbottom's hat and trampled on Mrs Taylor's victoria sponge.
I am glad to have so many of you here today, celebrating Bernie's short life.
There will be a small gathering after the service where all Bernie's favourite food will be provided.
Let us pray
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Welcome back to this, our first service since the summer fayre.It was a wonderful day and lots of fun was had by all who attended. And some people who didn't.
The good news is that we raised enough money to mend the roof and have money left over. A few of you have thought of ways we could use our funds. Some of which were sensible.
Mr Stainforth's idea of carpeting the floor in the confessions box, to avoid splinters when kneeling, seems to the most popular. Although Gerald's suggestion of the WI learning to bungee jump is a close second.
Tomorrow is the start of our jobs week where we ask members of the congregation to lend a hand.
All help will be gratefully received. Although we must place an age limit of 98 years this year as we do not want a reoccurrence of Mr Taylor's accident. We are glad to hear he is on the mend and the burial of Tiddles went well.
Our reading today is taken from the gospel of Matthew 24:42-51
42 'So stay awake, because you do not know the day when your master is coming. Pro plus is a good aid.
43 You may be quite sure of this, that if the householder had known at what time of the night the burglar would come, he would have stayed awake and would not have allowed anyone to break through the wall of his house. He would have given him a good smack round the ear.
44 Therefore, you too must stand ready because the Son of man is coming at an hour you do not expect. It could even be when you're in the bath.
45 'Who, then, is the wise and trustworthy servant whom the master placed over his household to give them their food at the proper time? Some say it is that of Mr Carson from Downton Abbey.
46 Blessed that servant if his master's arrival finds him doing exactly that. It's not good to be found picking your nose and generally fannying around.
48 But if the servant is dishonest and says to himself, "My master is taking his time,"
49 and sets about beating his fellow-servants and eating and drinking with drunkards,
50 his master will come on a day he does not expect and at an hour he does not know.
51 The master will cut him off and send him to the same fate as the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and grinding of teeth.'